How to Avoid Rushing Into Relationships as a Single Mother

As a single mother, you may feel the urge to date or get into a relationship quickly for a variety of emotional, practical, and societal reasons. These reasons can be complex, often intertwining with your sense of identity, emotional needs, and circumstances. Here are some of the most common reasons and how to cope with them:

1. Desire for Emotional Support

• Emotional need: Parenting in itself can be overwhelming, but especially when done alone. The day-to-day challenges of single motherhood can create a sense of burnout where you feel emotionally drained or unsupported therefore the idea of finding someone to share the load (even if just emotionally) can feel like an immediate solution to emotional exhaustion.

• How to cope with it: By Cultivating a Relationship with God

  Tool: Spend intentional time in prayer, worship, and Bible study to experience God’s comforting presence. Join a small group or ministry where you can find support and friendship.
  Biblical Verse: "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18)

  Replace moments of loneliness with worship. When the urge to seek companionship grows, turn to God for solace and allow Him to fill your heart.

2. Pressure from Society and Cultural Norms

• Practical and Societal Pressure: Society often places expectations on women, especially mothers, to be in stable, traditional family units. The stigma of single motherhood can create a fear of judgment and sense of inadequacy or societal pressure to "fix" the situation by dating and finding a partner quickly. So you believe that being in a relationship will help validate you as a "whole" family unit again, or that it's expected of you to conform to the ideal of family structure.

• How to cope with it: By resisting societal pressure by renewing your mind

  Tool: Set boundaries with well-meaning family or friends. Surround yourself with people who affirm your values and trust God’s plan for you.
  Biblical Verse: "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." (Romans 12:2)

  Replace societal expectations with God’s truth by meditating on Scripture and building a supportive community that respects your pace.

3. Desire for Stability for Yourself and Your Children

• Practical Need: Many single mothers are driven by a desire to find stability for themselves and their children. This may include financial support, a father figure for your children, or simply someone who can share the responsibility of running a household.

  The need to provide a stable, two-parent environment for your children can make dating seem like an immediate solution to fulfilling that need, even if the relationship is not yet fully developed.

  How to cope with it: By addressing financial struggles with faith and practical solutions

  Tool: Budget wisely, seek community resources, and trust God for provision. Look for ways to increase income or reduce expenses.
  Biblical Verse: "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'" (Hebrews 13:5)

  Practice contentment by focusing on God’s faithfulness and using available resources to manage financial pressures. Hopefully this website will help provide you with some good resources ;).

4. Fear of "Missing Out" on Love or Happiness

• Emotional Need: The fear of never finding love again can push a single mom to seek out relationships quickly. You may worry that you are running out of time, or that love and fulfilment are no longer attainable due to your situation as a single mother. "Who would want a single mother?". I'm sure you've heard that somewhere...

  After experiencing a breakup, a divorce or a loss, many single mothers may feel that time is running out to have the kind of relationship or love they’ve always dreamed of, especially if they haven't had much of a chance to focus on their own needs or desires in a long time.

• How to cope with it: Counter romanticised views with biblical truths

  Tool: Set realistic expectations for relationships and use godly wisdom to evaluate potential partners. Focus on shared values and character, not surface-level attributes.
  Biblical Verse: "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." (Proverbs 31:30)

  Write down qualities that align with God’s design for a healthy relationship and use this list to guide your choices. Please refer to the workbook I created to help you with that. It has extensive questions framed to make you self reflect.

5. Fear of Rejection or Being "Unattractive"

• Emotional Need: After becoming a single mother, there may be feelings of insecurity about attractiveness or desirability, especially if you’ve been out of the dating scene for a while.

  The desire to feel wanted and desirable again can lead to a rush into dating or relationships, particularly if you feel insecure about your worth or fear you might be "too old" or "too much baggage" for a future relationship.

• How to cope with it: By anchoring your identity in Christ

  Tool: prioritise self-care, and trust God's timing, knowing your worth is not defined by others but by being His beloved creation.

  Also, reframe your view of rejection. See rejection not as a reflection of your worth but as God’s way of protecting you from relationships that aren’t part of His plan for your life.

  Biblical Verse: "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." (Psalm 139:14) DO NOT FORGET THAT.

6. Desire for a Father Figure for Their Children

• Parental Need: You may righteously feel that your children need a father figure, or at least a positive male role model in their lives. This can drive you to seek out a relationship quickly.

  The need to provide emotional, financial, and spiritual support to your children might prompt you to look for a partner who can help fill this role, even before thoroughly assessing compatibility.

• How to cope with it: By trusting God as the ultimate Father Figure for your children

  Tool: Commit your parenting challenges to prayer. Seek out mentors or role models in the church community for your children.
  Biblical Verse: "A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling." (Psalm 68:5)

  Pray regularly over your children and ask God to guide their growth and provide fatherly influence through His care and other trusted individuals.

7. Healing from Past Relationships

• Emotional Need: If you've gone through a painful breakup or divorce, the urge to date may stem from a desire to heal or replace the emotional void left by the past relationship.

  There can be a deep desire to feel loved and valued again, especially after a hurtful experience. Sometimes the feeling of needing to "move on" can lead to rushing into a relationship that may not be the best fit for you or your family.

• How to cope with it: By healing from past relationships before moving forward

  Tool: Spend time reflecting on lessons learned and areas of growth.
  Biblical Verse: "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." (Psalm 147:3)

  Take time to seek emotional and spiritual healing, allowing God to restore your heart fully before stepping into a new relationship.

8. Seeking Validation or Self-Worth

• Emotional Need: As a single mother, you may seek validation in a relationship, hoping that a partner will affirm your value as a woman beyond your role as a mother.

  After devoting years to motherhood, you may feel that your identity as a woman has been lost or overlooked. Dating might seem like a way to rediscover self-worth or feel validated by someone else’s attention or affection.

• How to cope with it: By affirming your identity in Christ daily by declaring Scriptures over yourself.

  Tool: Seek confidence in who God says you are, not in validation from others.
  Biblical Verse: "Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life." (Isaiah 43:4)

  Start each day by reminding yourself of your God-given worth and reflecting on how you can live confidently as His beloved child.

Understanding these underlying motivations can help you take a step back and reflect on your reasons for dating. It also opens up the possibility of focusing on your own personal healing, self-care, and growth, which will make you more prepared for a healthy and fulfilling relationship when the right time comes.

If you're ready to take a step further and you want to start your transformation journey then arrange a call with me here! If you're still unsure, click here.