How to Spot Red Flags While Dating as a Christian Single Mother

Dating again is exciting, but it can also feel daunting. With so many potential pitfalls, how do you protect yourself and your family from the wrong kind of relationship? As a busy mom, your time is precious—and so is your heart. Let’s break down the biggest red flags to watch for when dating in today’s world.

Red Flags in Communication

1. They Rush Intimacy
   Beware of anyone pushing for emotional or physical closeness too soon. Healthy relationships take time to build trust. Ask yourself: Why are they rushing? Are they truly interested in me or just filling a void? Slow things down, and observe how they respond. Respectful partners will understand your pace.

   "It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honourable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God." 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5

2. They Avoid Serious Topics
   If they deflect conversations about faith, parenting, or long-term goals, it might indicate a lack of alignment. They may not be interested in a serious relationship. Consider asking: What’s their vision for a relationship? How do they view family and commitment? Someone who values you, will engage with these topics honestly.

3. They’re Inconsistent
   Actions speak louder than words. If they cancel plans repeatedly or go silent for days, ask yourself: Do I feel prioritized, or am I constantly second-guessing their intentions? Consistency reflects reliability, which is crucial if you're seeking stability. Words can be deceiving, but what someone does reflects their true character. A person’s actions ultimately reveal their heart.

   "By their fruit you will recognise them. Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit." Matthew 7:16-20

Red Flags in Character

1. They Dismiss Your Faith
   Your relationship with God is non-negotiable. If they make you feel like your faith is a burden or irrelevant, they’re not respecting a core part of who you are. Reflect on whether their beliefs align with yours, and don’t be afraid to walk away if they don’t.

2. They Aren’t Interested in Your Kids
   A serious partner will acknowledge your role as a parent and show genuine interest in your children’s lives. If they avoid talking about your kids or seem dismissive, it’s a clear sign they’re not ready to embrace your family.

3. They Show Controlling Behavior
   Subtle signs of control—like needing constant updates or discouraging your independence—can escalate over time. Ask yourself: Do I feel free to be myself in this relationship? Healthy partners encourage, not restrict.

Red Flags in Actions

1. They’re Secretive
   Secrecy often points to hidden issues. If they avoid introducing you to their friends or deflect questions about their past, consider why. A trustworthy person will share their life openly.

   "The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy." Proverbs 12:22

2. They Speak Negatively About Exes
   Constant bitterness toward past partners may indicate unresolved baggage. Reflect on whether they take responsibility for their past or constantly blame others. Accountability is key in any healthy relationship.

3. They Overpromise but Underdeliver
   Grand gestures mean nothing without follow-through. Observe their patterns: Do they keep their word? Do their actions align with their promises? Dependability is essential, especially when children are involved.

Spotting red flags isn’t about being overly cautious—it’s about protecting your peace, your faith, and your family. By staying mindful and prayerful, you can approach dating with confidence, knowing you’re aligned with God’s best for your life.